Updated: Aug 27, 2019
You always knew where you were headed, right? You knew who you were and what you wanted? You had your personal and professional destination all mapped out, you controlled the journey and you are now exactly where you always wanted to be, yes?
You put one foot in front of the other and eventually those baby steps became grown up strides and you courageously and deliberately stepped forward, authentically and completed your journey without getting lost in the fog and reached the destination you chose. Correct?
The perfect journey, the desired destination, authentically you, all sounds great, doesn’t it?
Does it? Was it like that? Or, did you often get to your destination and wonder how you got there? Taking a wrong turn, ending up in a dead end or worse still LOST IN THE FOG and unsure of which direction to go in? Not truly knowing yourself or being genuinely happy.
Were you in the driving seat, or was someone else? Did you choose your own destination, were you allowed to?
Was your vision, goals, dream your own or someone else’s? Did you give up your vision, goals or dream for someone else? Are you still in the fog on someone else’s journey? Have you reached your final destination?
Have you settled at your destination or is it time to take control of the map and set your own course? Is it time to be unapologetically uniquely you?
YOU CAN navigate through the fog, you can even learn to read your own map and you will find your own DESIRED DESTINATION as YOU!
Where I was
For a very long time I didn’t have a map, couldn’t read a map and my destinations were never where I had intended to go or indeed desired to be. It was not all terrible and I gratefully acknowledge that some of the journeys and destinations turned out OK because I learnt, grew and had many fabulous and magical experiences. Yet, when I looked a little more deeply and asked myself honestly, I realised the cold hard truth.
For the majority of my journeys, up to the moment I found my courage to take back control, I had often blindly gone where I was led and ended up lost in the fog. HOW DID I END UP IN THIS FOG?
The cold hard truth for me – from a young age I was controlled, manipulated and many of my important life decisions made for me, which led to me being ignorant. Whilst that sounds harsh the truth was that I had not organically grown into me, being manipulated and controlled meant that I had no idea of my own values, desires, goals, dreams and vision. I didn’t know where I wanted to go let alone how to get there. I was scared and I was afraid.
By the time I was in my 30’s I was lost and DISILLUSIONED, I was weary, and my face was not facing the sun, I was not at a destination I desired. I was far from being authentic. I was not living by my values and beliefs. I was definitely not being true to me. I am not sure I totally knew who I was, what I wanted or where I wanted to be. I just knew that I was genuinely unhappy.
I had always tried to be the good ‘girl’, the model employee, the dutiful wife, the almost achieving daughter, I tried to fly just under the radar so no-one would spot me. I was trying too hard to live a life I had been directed to and showing the world how wonderful my life was, yet I was not in control of that life.
What I discovered
As a young child and into my adulthood I had been controlled and manipulated and whilst I had long before faced my horrendous childhood trauma with counselling, therapy and doctors, my scars still ran deep and even though the perpetrator was no longer present I still had a way of allowing myself to be controlled by most men, some overbearing women and a fair share of my bosses.
I was still making decisions from a place of misguided trust and belief, sometimes fear and most definitely not aligned to my authentic self, as I was still not certain who me was.
My LIFE CHANGING event, the moment when I woke up, was having my daughters. For you it might be a completely different life event. For me, having my daughters sideswiped me. I had been unable to conceive naturally, been through months of tests, procedures and an operation. Turning to IUI as the next step only resulted in miscarriage and my final option was IVF. But before I could start it I was pregnant and within 13 months of my first daughter I had given birth to my second daughter. My blessings, my miracles. MY WHY and my REALISATION.
Becoming a mother was the moment I finally said “No more” and I allowed myself to reach deep inside to my soul and finally relight my own flame. And this time I resolved that no-one would ever put it out. Something about becoming a mother to daughters gave me the COURAGE to find me. My inner lioness awoke.
Yes, having my daughters gave me HOPE. I no longer wanted to live inside myself, frightened, fearful, inauthentic. I finally had my why, my reason and saw my MISSION was to come out from my shadow self, hold my head high, be proud as a survivor and live my life on my terms, finally. At that moment I knew I did not want my daughters to have a mother who hid her flame, was ashamed, was fearful, controlled, was unfulfilled personally or professionally, was afraid and who was not authentic and genuinely happy. My daughters needed a mother who was strong, inspiring, in control, fulfilled, authentic and genuinely happy.
One thing I was certain of, and still am, my STRENGTH. I had already survived through so much, and I knew I was strong enough to face this fear and navigate my way through the fog to the destination I desired. I knew I was strong enough to move away from the pain and towards my magnificence. I was about to start my journey to be unapologetically uniquely me.
And by 2010 I was wide awake. But if I thought those 2 years of AWAKENING MY INNER SOUL had been hard, I had no idea the journey I was about to embark on. I can honestly say that stepping into my authentic and magnificent self over the last 9 years has taken me to HELL AND BACK, a couple of times, but I don’t regret my decision, because I have found me.
Where I am now
I am at last reading my own map and plotting my journey. Yes, I have reached a destination both personally and professionally where I am truly fulfilled and blessed, because I have worked hard on me, I have dug deep, I have faced the CHALLENGE and endured the rocky roads and I have stuck with it, with project me. I have uncovered my core values and removed my limiting beliefs, identified my vision, found my dreams and set my goals. I know that I am worthy.
When I started my own journey, I told myself I was doing it for my daughters, in reality, I was hiding behind that reason, because I didn’t feel worthy to do it for me. Now, I do it for me first, because by being the best I can be for me I am being the best for them.
I stand tall and I am PROUD because my daughters see an authentic woman who has forgiven many, found her courage, faced her darkest traumas and deepest fears and survived, speaks her truth and is learning to genuinely love herself deeply. I still sometimes slip, but I catch myself now and don’t fall quite so hard. And, at last, my face is towards the sun.
But, is this my final destination? It’s my desired destination for now. The difference now is that I am in control and my journey continues at the pace I choose, and I will remain at a destination for as long as I desire and on my terms.
What about you?
Are you where you thought you would be, wanted to be, doing what you thought you would do both personally and professionally? How close to doing what you thought and wanted to do are you?
Are you authentically you? Are you genuinely happy and fulfilled?
Some of the questions below I asked myself as I awoke, others may resonate with you;
How did you become the woman crying in the bathroom because you are unfulfilled in your life/career, yet can’t see another way?
How did you end up sitting on the sofa every night exhausted, lonely and drinking another bottle of wine whilst answering emails from the overseas office/controlling boss?
When did you hand over the control of your life to someone else?
How did you end up working for this corporate company with ethics that go completely against those you held fiercely and passionately for years?
How did you end up married as a stay at home mum with 1,2,3 children but without the career you dreamed of and studied hard for at university?
What happened to make you stay working for the boss who bullies, belittles and degrades you on a regular basis?
When did you become the woman who quietened their voice in the boardroom because you felt like an imposter, not worthy, not expert enough?
When did you become the woman who denied herself her true emotions and beliefs in the workplace for fear of not fitting in and being seen as too feminine by your male peers?
When did you become the woman who shunned her female colleagues to try to gain a promotion by being more ‘one of the boys’?
How is that you have the family you always longed for, yet you are sat alone in the hotel bar on a business trip, whilst someone else reads your children another bedtime story?
How have you ended up married to this man who puts you down, doesn’t support you, complains at the life you have, holds such opposing views to you?
When did you lose your friends, stop enjoying your passions, stop going out?
Who’s dream, goals, vision is this you are living? Yours? Someone else’s?
You will tell yourself you can’t change, it’s too scary, what will people think, it’s selfish to want something different, you aren’t worthy, and many other negative things.
If you are not where you want to be then asking for help to figure it all out is exactly what you need to do. Not your friends, family or colleagues. I mean working with a Life Coach. A good Life Coach will challenge you, get you to ask yourself some tough questions like those above and most importantly they will help you transform. They will push you to look into the fog of your present life and step into the fog, because they know they can help you get through the fog right to where you want to et to in order to find your real and authentic self.
I can’t promise you your journey through the fog will be easy, but I can promise you, from my own experience, that on the other side is the most magnificent, authentic, joyful and genuinely happy YOU!