How do you see your life? How do you talk about yourself and your life?
So many of my clients share with me that they feel sad about their life and talk negatively about themselves, forecasting their future with fear not believing they will achieve what they want or are worthy enough to have what they would like and looking backwards over their shoulder with pain, disappointment and regret.
I spend time working with them to help them see that often it is in the way they talk to themselves that causes this negativity. Other times it is because they allow themselves to believe the hurtful and critical things family, friends, colleagues, followers say about them now or have done in the past.
This results in them not believing they are worthy, good enough, living in denial, resentment and lack and being judgemental about others comparing their own lives with everyone else.
We work together to gain clarity around how they have been seeing themselves and talking to themselves. Identify their negative and limiting beliefs from what they have learned from their past. Reframe those beliefs into positive statements and new ways to approach their present and future. Help them to set incredible goals around their desires and new beliefs.
Are you living your life from a place of lack?
Maybe you look at your life by comparing yourself with others. Perhaps you are in denial or think that you are not good enough or worthy.
Just like my clients do, if you see your life negatively, you can change.
It’s not fair, she has got it all, the job, house, partner, children, the dream life. Why can’t I have that. I’ll never have it anyway, why am I even thinking I can. She is so much better than me.
Well I was never good at school, university, anything. I won’t get the promotion, boyfriend/girlfriend, raise. I won’t get it because I’m not good enough.
OK, so they have asked me out for a drink, but it’s only because they feel sorry for me as I’m the new person here, they wouldn’t ask me otherwise. It can’t possibly because they like me.
He promised he’d be home by 6.30pm so that we could enjoy our Friday evening. It’s now 7.30pm. That’s it the whole evening is ruined. I don’t know why I even bothered anyway.
The “It’s not fair!” way of looking at your life. But why is it not fair?
Look at how you are engaging in your own view of your life. Listen to what you are saying to yourself. Comparing yourself, judging yourself and others, being negative, regretting the past and worrying about the future.
Who said you don’t deserve the promotion, pay rise, boyfriend, girlfriend, children, new home? Who said you can’t apply for the job or pay rise? Who said the friends you have are only friends with you out of pity?
YOU. You are saying these things to yourself. You see your life like this. YOU do this to YOU!
When you put the fault and blame onto other people or other things, outside of yourself and your alleged control, you give your right to happiness away. You give your control away.
Of course, you have the power to create the life you want to live and to control your own life and destiny.
You have to want to.
You have to be courageous and to take the first step away from the old negative state of mind and from the person of lack, blaming others for their perceived wrong doing to you and make a decision that you can be more.
Then you get clarity around your goals, your values and your vision for your future. No, it’s not easy to change old beliefs and old ways of thinking. The road to being Unapologetically Uniquely YOU is winding, long, rough and possibly needs to be rebuilt with stronger foundations in places, however, it is absolutely possible to traverse the road and build stronger foundations.
It takes consistent action to change your way of speaking to you and in how you see yourself and it rarely happens overnight. It you want to change the negative thoughts, habits, patterns then you have to want to change and be prepared to try. You have to show up every day wanting to change, prepared to face your excuses head on, prepared to be uncomfortable.
You can keep blaming everyone else. Your mum, dad, brother, sister, teacher, friends, boss, God, the. Universe, life. You can keep making excuses. You can keep denying your role in your own life. It is easy to put the blame out there, on to everyone and everything, it feels easier to put the blame outside of yourself.
It takes courage to own your life, your decisions, your choices.
I’m not smart enough because my teacher was rubbish, I was picked on, had no friends, my parents split up, I was told I was thick. What responsibility did you take for your own learning then or now? It is never too late to try, to study, to learn. You are worthy of learning. You do not have to live in your past and tell yourself those stories anymore. You are capable of learning. If you have the desire now to learn, get a new qualification you can achieve it if you put in the effort.
I’m not pretty enough, according to who? Yourself? Your ex? Your so-called friends at school? Beauty comes from within, from belief in your own self-worth and learning to love yourself. Learning to love yourself feels unnatural. Looking at yourself in your mirror and learning to love the person you see staring back at you takes steely persistence. But, why not love yourself? You are beautiful, own your beauty.
I’m too fat, because I’ve got heavy bones, bad ankles, knees, asthma and can’t exercise, my mum and dad are big too so it’s their fault/hereditary. You are the size you are because it’s the size you have chosen to be. Up to now. However, if you want to change you can and you can learn to. Understanding why you eat, when you eat, what is going on personally every time you reach for food, monitoring everything. No excuses. It’s easy to ignore the small things you eat and only look at the main meals and make excuses about the little things. If you want to change then you have to be honest with yourself.
There are so many reasons. There are so many excuses. It’s not me it’s everyone/else/thing.
We walk through life picking up grief, sadness, sorrow, bitterness, anger, resentment and wear these things like a cloak of protection and look externally to ourselves to lay blame for our lives somewhere else.
Know this, though, YOU are here right now living, breathing and deserving.
You can tell yourself anything you want to which affects how you see your life. How you have lived your life up to now and how you see your future life. Of course, other people can tell you things too, but they do not control your life, your decisions, your choices. YOU DO.
Imagine living your life exactly as you want to. See yourself centre stage looking how you want to look, doing what you want to do, being who you want to be. Feel all the feelings associated with living your life exactly as you want to. Hear all the great things being said to you, the sounds around you and all the positive things you are saying to yourself.
You absolutely deserve to live your life without negativity, without criticism, without fear, without resentment, without judgement, without comparison.
Step into your life with positivity and true happiness. Live your best life Unapologetically Uniquely as YOU!
CHANGE YOUR OUTLOOK, CHANGE YOUR LIFE.