I rarely believe you because you rarely tell the truth. Standing up to the narcissist.

Uncategorized Jul 20, 2021

How often do you find yourself questioning what your partner, friend, parent, colleague has said to you?

 

You genuinely want to believe what they say yet you have a real niggle about it.  A feeling that won't leave you that what they are saying simply doesn't ring true.

 

Being in a relationship with a narcissist whether personally, professionally, or romantically can be incredibly challenging because so often they will lie in order to get what they want from you and the relationship you have with them. 

 

It's important for them to:

 

  • feel and look good,
  • win,
  • humiliate
  • demoralise
  • mock
  • get the praise
  • have the attention
  • be loved and not necessarily to love.

 

The tough part comes when you question them about what they are saying.  If you dare to challenge back, check the validity of what they are saying, disprove, disbelieve even simply offering an alternative view.  They will not be happy with you and will do everything to maintain their honour and not accept an alternative view, opinion, or critique.

 

You will end up leaving the conversation feeling confused, possibly upset, unsure of yourself, questioning yourself and often pretty worthless.

 

You may not even realise that the other person is a narcissist or an incredibly toxic person.

 

But if you have identified the above with some of your relationships and you feel less than good about yourself in situations like this it's time to evaluate what's going on.  You always have a choice to stay in the relationship, but it can be incredibly hard to make a change, put in strong boundaries or even leave without understanding what is going on, having a strategy and without the right support.

 

It's time to set clear boundaries for yourself, protect yourself when around them, or make a choice to break your connection with them altogether.

 

Use the simple 7 step process below to evaluate your relationships:

 

  1. Notice how people and relationships make you feel. Great, Alive, Vibrant, Weaker, Angry, Belittled, Confused, Worthless, Apologetic etc.

 

  1. If someone makes you feel negative emotions do a full body scan to identify where you feel the emotions - eg knot in the pit of your tummy, pain in the back of your neck, tightening of your throat.

 

  1. What thoughts do you have? Eg "It must be me." "I'm being silly, of course they are right." "I'm overreacting."

 

  1. Consider your thoughts logically. Are you really overreacting? Do you always question yourself in conversations with this person that you are the one who's always wrong? Go to your logical thinking and move out of your emotions.  What conclusion do you reach?

 

  1. How do you behave? Identify how you act in the moment or after a communication with them.

 

  1. What does the person/relationship give you? Perhaps it's your boss and you are not in a position to leave your job right now, so find a solution to be in control of yourself when dealing with this person.

 

  1. To maintain a workable relationship what are some boundaries you need to implement.

 

  • Do you only meet with them in a group?
  • Do you limit the amount of time you see them?
  • Do you need to have some go to phrases in order to be in control when with this person. Eg "Unfortunately on this occasion I do not agree with your version of events and therefore as we can't find a mutual ground we will leave it there."  "No.  I will not be .....doing/accepting/agreeing to xyz."  "We do not appear to be moving this forward so we will leave it there."  "My opinion is valid and I am happy with my perspective/judgement/conclusion on this matter." "Thank you, I'll come back to you on that - (this gives you some space and thinking time)."
  • Go no contact. Introduce a third person to interact with them on your behalf whilst you give yourself time to heal and get strong.

 

Be wary when you find yourself constantly questioning yourself around certain people.

 

Is it always you? If you always ask this, then I expect it is not.  Especially if you are always making excuses for their behaviour or apologising to them or for them when with others.

 

It's time to learn to trust your intuition.  What is she trying to tell you.

 

You know that you are the speaker of your own truth, and your intuition knows.  Listen.

 

If you think you are or have experienced narcissistic abuse and want to talk about how to set boundaries and take back control of your life so you can be limitless, live unapologetically and thrive click the link to book your complimentary Enlightenment Call today.

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