My wall was built triple thickness and double height. I was going to protect myself for ever more. I was afraid to be anything other than mediocre. For too long I had been controlled by my abuser and as a child into my teenage years I had learned to not be courageous. Because no one came to my rescue. When I had been brave, nothing. No one. So, I gave my power to my fears to stay safe.
From Fear to Courage
Dec 14, 2020
It was far safer to keep quiet. To protect myself. To do as I was told even into my adult life.
I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t try for anything. I didn’t have big hopes and dreams. I was grateful for what I had been told I was having. I didn’t think to go after what I wanted because I hadn’t ever found out what that might be.
However, sitting inside my fortress was uncomfortable. I was fearful of doing anything. I was afraid to consider what my dreams might actually be. I was scared to live in accordance with how I wanted to live, scared to even attempt to find out how that would look and feel.
The uncomfortable feeling weighed heavy.
I wrestled with the uncomfortable feeling over a nagging, gnawing feeling deep inside. There was something else. I sensed a knowing. I felt a tugging in my gut.
Then a voice, more of a whisper, really, and as much as I strained to hear, poof it was gone. Like a cloud of smoke as the magician makes the bunny disappear.
There was my constant louder voice. I knew her so well. I’d listened to her for so long.
Therefore, she must be right. Mustn’t she.
My fear was telling me I wasn’t good enough. I would never be anything much. I couldn’t do it. My fear told me to shut up, not ask, not speak, accept. Everyone would laugh and mock me if I tried. Who was I to think I could, anyway? I feared rejection, judgement, looking foolish, messing up, failing. I feared being too much of a show-off. I feared speaking up, confrontation and criticism. I feared having an opinion or offering my thoughts. So instead I gave all my power for a better life outside of a false comfort blanket and mask to my fear.
Until the whisper wasn’t a whisper and I could hear the voice singing a beautiful melody from deep within my soul.
I began to confront my fears.
No matter what I had learned to believe from a young age from the controlling brutal abusers I knew there was another way.
Not only did I want to confront that fear that had kept me playing safe well into my adult years I now wanted to push beyond that and seek out all the possibilities for an amazing future on my terms and realise my full potential.
But how?
I had to face my fears head on. I had a choice. I could stay where I was, or I could take back my power and control my destiny.
I chose control. I chose to step into courage.
And that meant being vulnerable.
And it meant being brave.
And it meant having courage to take BIG scary actions that would lead me closer to a dream. My dream. My better life.
I stepped up, ready to take on the adventure in front of me and face the rugged terrain with courage and belief and most importantly in full control. For once I was in the driving seat and that was where I was going to stay.
One by one I have faced my fears and over the past 10 years I have forged ahead. I have taken many wrong turns and U-turns, I’ve had roads blocked, I’ve had vehicles break and I’ve gone back on myself and almost ended up back where I started. Yes, I’ve sometimes got it wrong and my map has been upside down more times than I care to admit.
But still I kept going. I took those BIG scary actions that led me closer to my dream, because I uncovered what my dream was, through being brave and being courageous.
I could have stayed stuck in a place of comfort driven by fear or move forwards bravely and with courage.
I chose courage then and I’m still choosing courage now.
Is it time to live your life with courage and kick fear into touch.? I believe we all deserve to live a life we desire, to take brave action so that when we reach the end of our life, we don’t look back with regret that we didn’t do the things we wanted, but we celebrate the fact that we did do the things!
I followed 5 easy steps to help me find my inner courage and be brave so that I could remove my mask and live my life and I’ve created a FREE download of those simple steps I took just for you.These 5 steps are still my go to steps when I’m faced with fear even now. Click the to get your free copy straight to your inbox.
